Ryan’s Shiny Face

Note to self. Write these recaps on Monday night – by Wed night I am severely unmotivated. Don’t be offended. I promise I am still prioritizing your entertainment. (sort of).
My dog on the other hand could not care less – he is asleep on my feet – not caring.
While my dog dreams of his own mate, our group of gentleman prep themselves to vacate the mansion for good, beginning their journey around the world one love destination at a time. First stop – Barmuda!

One on One Date – Doug, Let our senses lead the way.
Doug gets fired up as the guys pick on him before his date. He tries to flex his muscles, but Arie aint scurrd.
Emily breaks up the tension and snags #1 dad for a date. They wander the island doing a little trinket shopping, chat about the charity he started, send Austin a postcard, make wishes under a stone circle of love, and eat a fancy dinner. Doug’s ability to mask his boredom plays to his favor, Emily now believes he is the perfect man She does her best to chip away at his facade to find a flaw – but comes up empty (with the exception of him being too great of a Dad). #1 Dad has diamond platted armor- He gets a rose.
But what we do learn is that Emily’s biggest flaw is leaving her house in her pajamas. HOW DARE SHE. Excuse me while I go clean out my drawer of “perfect for weekend errands” pajamas – otherwise known as “Business Professional” to those of you in TPN. (gotta love a good TPN dress code joke).

Group Date – Lets Set Sail on the Sea of Love
Charlie, Ryan, Chris, Jef, Sean, Arie, Travis, Kalon
The guys breakup into two sailing teams. They will be racing to win more quality time with Emily that evening.
Yellow team: Jef, Ryan, Arie, Kalon
Red Team: Charlie, Sean, Travis, Chris

Red team breaks into an early lead. Brawn over Brains appears to be the magic formula here.
Sails are swinging, ropes are pulling, flags are flying, and the Yellow team sails into the lead. Working smarter not harder, the yellow team steals the win from the Red teams sweaty grip.

The poor pouty faces of the Red team break our hearts. Aww loves – don’t be sad, I’ll keep you all company.
Uho – Chawly, are those tears I see? you better hope not or that is 5 points deducted from your teams! I’ll just take 2 since I can’ t be for sure.

Time for Cawfee Tawlk with the yellow team.
Ryan dubs Emily his trophy wife because God designed her to be a beautiful woman. Just as long as she isn’t kissing Arie anymore.
Too bad, Arie snuggles some kisses from Emily on the beach
Jef still doesn’t make a move despite Emily’s encouragement – playing hard to get works for him yet again – another group date rose awarded. He feels “something they share together is really valuable; he is really beginning to fall for her” Don’t lie – we can tell you don’t really give a Sh$t.

Doug decides 25 year olds aren’t mature enough to be in love or parent children, yet he was a father at 21. Looks like math isn’t #1 dad’s forte. Or maybe he is just trying to find any way to secure his superiority over Chris. Sorry Douglas – those steal blue eyes win over your muddy facade any day.

Two on One Date – John and Nate Lets Explore this Bermuda Love Triangle.
Blah blah blah. Quinoa, blah blah blah. They both loose a point on behalf of GLUTENS.
Nate is extremly awkward and John is incredibly boring. John sucks less. He gets a rose.
Nate goes home. He cried and he annoyed me – he loses 2 points too.

Moisturizer and Roses
I get distracted by Ryan’s shiny face and have no idea what he says. I am sure it is profound, since he is meant for something bigger and all. Next Bachelor? Winning over America – one condescending statement about women at a time.
Arie fishes for compliments from Emily and receives them in abundance.
Sean works Ricki into his convo to win brownie points and a kiss
Chris flexes his man wings against #1 Dad’s agism.
And I get sleepy – so lets get on with these roses.
Sean, Arie, Travis, Chris, Ryan (say wha?), Kalon, and Alejandro all receive roses.

Chawlie and Ponyboy head home with broken heart strings.
Our 4 leaders stay at the top of the board – despite my points slashing this week.
Next week – London!
Looks like Emily is going to be dropping some F bombs – who is making her London bridge fall down?
Stay tuned –

PS – A little treat for you on behalf of Kari. Enjoy. http://insidetv.ew.com/2012/06/04/the-bachelorette-alessandro-vampires-emily/