Bachelorette Challenge Week 9 ~ Kneel before Zod.

JP was first to meet Ashley’s family and was welcomed with mixed reviews.

He gained the support of her Mother, Brother, and Step-Father, but watch out for Kat Von D. Ashley’s sister just didn’t see the connection.

As they sit down for a dinner last supper style – big sis asks her one and only qualifying question – does JP make her laugh? Unfortunately to the detriment of JP – Ashley answers sarcastically saying she makes herself laugh?. Kat Von D isn’t impressed. She makes Ashley cry  as Ashley fesses up to her own insecurities  apparently unable to find any ounce of courage to stick up for JP and his kissing abilities. The brutal slaughter continues as Kat Von D sits down for a no nonsense chat with JP – not letting him change her mind that they just aren’t right for each other.

JP leaves defeated.

Next up comes Ben – who immediately wins the whole family over with his puppy voice. Kat approves. Nuff said.

Ben and Ashley enjoy their last date together – rubbing each other down in a healing mud bath. What’s more sensual then mud squishing between your toes?

They clean up and sit down for a serious conversation in Ben’s room.

He tells her how madly in love with her he is and they make out on the bed winning an extra 5pts for his team. She can’t tell him how much she loves him – but Ben thinks her kisses say it all.

JP swoops in for some comfort from Ashley. Does she feel the same way Kat Von D does? She sure doesn’t do a great job of defending their relationship. But JP seems up to the challenge of defending it enough for the both of them. He refuses to let the opinions of a jaded woman ruin the love that he has found. He tells Ashley how much he loves her and assures her he is ready to start a new life his leading lady.  He has even given her a picture of them on the beach with a little note to remind her of the love he has for her.

Time for the big decision.

Ben and JP both go to pick out the ring they hope will win Ashley over.

Apparently JP’s gift did the trick.

Ben arrives at the rejection platform first.

As his sweaty hair sticks to his forehead Ben begins explaining the journey of love that has brought him here. Ashley not only unbelievably lets Ben get down on one knee, but lets him get all the way through his proposal before having him stand so she can break his heart.

Ben is in complete shock at her response and turns to walk away.  She chases after him unable to understand why he is so upset. He stands his ground and doesn’t take her bs of an explanation. His genuine response helps him maintain some dignity as he leaves confused and fiancéless.

Ashley composes herself for the joy that is to come.

JP lands and is ushered by Chris to his future.

Ashley is all smiles as JP tells her all of the wonderful things she has always wanted to hear.

He proposes. She says yes and offers him a rose telling him she has waited so long and is so happy to finally say how much she loves him.

They kiss under the sunset and live happily ever after. Well, they leave to their separate homes to be apart for months while the show airs and all of America talks trash about them. It is like happily ever after.

Unlike Brad and Emily  – Ashley and JP are still together and in love at the “after the final rose” episode.

Anyone placing bets on the union of these two love birds Or will we see them on Bachelor Pad 3?

That is all for my recaps folks. If you feel the emptiness in your hearts that only the bachelor can fill – tune into Bachelor Pad 2 for a whole host of crazyamazingness!

Bachelorette Challenge Week 8

Ni Sa Bula~

This week we have traveled to the exotic islands of Fiji

What could be more romantic than these white sandy beaches, turquoise waters, coral reefs, and fantasy suites?

I have no idea – that is why I was asking you.

To kick off this episode we get some lovely scenic views of Fiji – complete with some classic pensive shots of Ashley pondering her happily ever after. After consulting her journal for words of advice – she takes to  primping in the mirror (after she has been in hair and make-up for 2 hours) preparing for her first date.  We hear a knock at the door and then dramatically cut away to commercial.

When we return we open the door to reveal – RYAN!

Oh Ry Ry how lovely it is to see that goofy desperate smile again. 

Ryan has travelled all by his lonesome in an undoubtedly honeymooner filled airplane all the way to Fiji- just for the chance that maybe possibly in a million years Ashley deeply regrets her decision to send him home and has been longing to see him ever since even though she didn’t make a single effort to pick up the phone and call him because she has been too busy making out with other guys that she is actually in love with.

Ryan explains this logic to Ashley as she sits on the other side of the couch annoyed that she is once again going to have to tell his guy – not a chance. But he insists she doesn’t devastate him for the second time right this second. She must wait until the end of the week – after her fantasy suite dates with men that she actually cares about; while he aimlessly wonders the beaches of Fiji alone.

Our first lucky in love bachelor that Ashley actually wants to date is Ben– he makes his way to meet Ashley, they hug, they kiss, they pick out a boat in ocean to use for the day.

And as every self respecting love bird in Fiji does – they strip down and climb on top of each other to lather on the sun tan lotion. This teasing ritual lasts most of the date until they jump in the water to wash it off so they can start all over again. There is lots of chit chat about how scary Ben’s mom was and how perfect they are for each other and how pretty the coral reef is with all the little brightly colored fish. They cuddle under the sunset for awhile until they decide all of this swimming and sexual tension has worked up an appetite so they head to dinner.

They discuss once again how cute and in love they are and forego their rooms for the fantasy suite. Which by the way is amazing. Heck I would even date Ashley if I could have this suite.

They make out in the pool and make out on the way to the gigantic bed and then the camera men leave.

They wake up the next morning and Ashley kisses Ben goodbye as she heads to her date with Constantine (probably not true, but funny).

Ashley fulfills Constantine’s dreams of riding in a helicopter.

Ashley is giddy girl riding next to her Greek God (not quite accurate Constantine was a King not a God. But I guess we get her point). They ride over the pretty blue water to a serine waterfall.  But we don’t look at waterfalls here – we jump from them.

They swim around in the exotic waters and pretend to be into each other.

Ashley calls Constantine out on being lame for looking at 100 houses before he bought one which obviously directly correlates to how many women he will need to date before he picks one (let’s not discuss how many houses I looked at to commit to a 1 yr lease). They leave the waterfall for dinner where the “just not that into you” conversation continues. Constantine set his boundaries with the Fantasy Suite – vowing he wouldn’t accept if he wasn’t in love with her. Consequently he packs his things and leaves Fiji.

In case you forgot (because Ashley did)– Ryan is still on the island. Time to go break his desperate little heart all over again. Ashley humors him on the deck for awhile, but then gets to the point. She is more in love with two other men and couldn’t care less that he traveled back to see her. Unfortunately his ideal dreams did not come true and it’s time to go back home to warm hard solar panel reality.  (I really didn’t mean for that to sound dirty – the words warm and hard together just do it on their own. But solar panels are warm right? Not cold?).

Final fantasy date – JP.

Another bear hug greeting between the two of them before they board their water plane for a remote island. We land somewhere straight out of a postcard.

Ashley and JP frolic in the water – enjoying some intimate moments between themselves and the camera crew. This is pretty much their day until dinner. Ashley fills JP in on her crazy week, but wants him to continue to focus on his feelings for her and not her relationships with other men – even though she keeps talking about them. He assures her he is only focused on her. They go to another amazing fantasy suite where Ashley surprises him dressed in a white dress shirt. Is this her shirt? Is it JPs? Is it Ben’s? one Const left behind? I’m confused. But apparently JP is impressed because they get right to making out in bed and the camera crew is kicked out.

Rose Ceremony – even though there are two men and two roses Ashley firmly believes they need the rose ceremony. She wants to ensure the men have had an opportunity to think about their feelings for her and wants to allow them the decision to accept the rose she offers.

She offers both roses. After a few long dramatic awkward pauses – both Ben and JP accept.

Next week we meet Ashley’s Fam – Ashley calls some tattooed chick a b*%$ and hands out a final rose.

Ni Sa Moce