Survival Instincts

What the F@#K Happened?

 

What the F@#K happened to my recap?

I apologize for being such a letdown, but last week was just so underwhelming I just could not get motivated to write this recap.

 

What the F@#K happened last week?

Nothing. But I will try and compose a short and sweet recap for you regardless..

 

What the F@#K happened in Lindzi’s hometown?

They had the 1,000 picnic lunch since the season started.

They rode some horses. Strike that. They raced Lindzi’s parents on a carriage contraption pulled by a horse.  The old folks win.

Lindzi’s Dad loves Ben and welcomes him into the family. (seems a bit premature.) But it is clearly meant to be because Lindzi’s parents were married in the townhall that Ben and Lindzi had their first date. Which I am sure was in no way planned by the ABC producers.

Ben leaves feeling great about Lindzi and the future in-laws

 

What the F@#K happened in Kacie’s hometown?

What the F@#K is that sound?

Ben is welcomed by 76 trombones, 110 cornets, 1,000 reeds, a copper bottom tympani, double bell euphoniums, a big bassoon, fifty mounted cannon in the battery, clarinets of every size, trumpeters who would improvise, and 1 ridiculous looking poodle with a baton.   

They have the 1,001 picnic of the season. This one in the rain.

 

Who the F@#K  are these people?

Then we meet Kacie’s crazy family.

• A parole officer Dad that doesn’t drink (don’t trust someone that doesn’t drink).
• A “if my children are with me 100% of the time there is no way they can get knocked up or do drugs” Mom.
• And a Sister that is clearly sleeping with ½ the football team. (I made that up. They didn’t announce that on national television.)

 

What the F@#K did Kacie’s parent say to make Ben run for the hills?

• Mom tells Ben she wouldn’t allow them to live together before they are married.
• Dad doesn’t think a marriage would be a prayerful or careful decision and refuses to give Ben permission to marry his daughter.

This family clearly wins the craziest family deduction of -5pts.

 

What the F@#K happened in Nicki’s hometown?

We learn that Ben loves everything texas. What isn’t better about everything bigger?

What the F@#K is Ben wearing?

Ben and Nicki go shopping and buy ridiculous boots, hats, and belt buckles. Ben looks sexyishnotreally.

Then we meet Nicki’s fun little family.

Fun loving, just wants his daughter to be happy dad.

Quirky just doing what is best for herself Mom

Wondering how to get 25 girls to date you at the same time younger brother.

 

Who the F@#K’s fault is it Nicki’s previous marriage failed?

Nicki’s dad takes the blame for allowing Nicki to marry her ex husband, but promises to do a better job by being prayerful and careful about giving Ben permission to ask her next.

 

What the F@#K did Nicki just say?

Nicki tells Ben that she is in love with him and loses -5pts for her team. Because I’m sorry to tell her, but what she is feeling isn’t love, it is survival instinct.  

 

What the F@#K happened in Courtney’s hometown?

Who the F@#K talks like that?

We meet Courtney’s family and immediately figure out where Courtney gets her “charm”. Her mother looks and sounds just like her. There you go Ben – that is what you have to look forward to.

Will this F@#King work out?

Courtney’s dad reminds us only 50% of marriages work out. But don’t worry – I think the odds are in your favor when you meet your mate on a reality TV show.

So Courtney and Ben get hitched at her favorite photo shoot I mean wedding site.  Ben recites some pretty touching vows. And ANTM recites some selfish banter.

 

Who the F@#K gets the rose?

In a surprising yet understandable turn of events. The Crazy that is Kacie’s parents wins out over Ben’s love for her and he sends her packing – no rose in hand.

We are left with Lindzi, Nicki, and Courtney and 1 unforgettable quote (the only memorable portion of this episode) from Kacie as she pulls away in the limo.  WHAT THE F@#K  HAPPENED? 

 

The point deductions and the exit of Kacie B took a hit on some of your team scores this week.

We have a little bit of a shift on the leader board with Pri and Kindy in 1^st place.  But the competition isn’t over until Courtney breaks Ben’s heart.

Stay tuned for overnight dates in Switzerland next week!

Cheers!